Cotopaxi - Part 1

We “woke up” at midnight. Sleep is hard to come by at 16,000 ft. This wass the highest I had ever been. My head was already hurting but it felt better than the day before, when we arrived at the climbers’ refuge. I wasn’t sure if I was 98% nervous and 2% excited or the other way around. I had never felt that way before. I had never done anything like this in my life. We were an hour away from attempting to the summit of Cotopaxi.

Two days earlier, a seven-hour bus ride took us to Latacunga, the small town set beneath the towering volcano. The realization was refreshing. I had spent long enough thinking about what climbing Cotopaxi would be like. I was excited to find the truth.

The active peak stands at 19,347 ft. above sea level. I had only been to 13,850 ft. and that was only a week prior.

I would be trekking with Matt and Anna. Matt, 40-something, has been working out rigorously in preparation for the climb. Anna, 28, who rowed to Olympic gold in Beijing, has beenworking out with Matt and doing her own things. I occasionally made cameos at their workouts and worked out on my own. I feel prepared – ya know, sort of.

I am 22. Former OK athlete. Generally strong legs. I took a year off football and on my third day back ran a mile in 5:42 (in my year off I took up golf). That gave me confidence in my legs I probably didn’t need.

We all live at 8,500 ft., which helps.

Latacunga is pretty at night. Our hostel was near a historic square. It was beautifully lit. On the corner was a pizzeria.

After a quick dinner, we went to bed in our hostel dormitory that we had to ourselves.

We had to meet our guides at 8:00 a.m. and breakfast was at 7:00 a.m. so naturally we got up at 6:00 a.m. It took bout 30 seconds to realize that it doesn’t take an hour to stumble in and out of a shower and pack a school backpack with the clothes from yesterday and the book that put me to sleep the night before.

Breakfast was lonely. The hostel seemed fairly empty and the only inhabitants were having beers last night. Didn’t expect them up early.

The guide’s shop was more or less around the corner. High Andes. Our guides are brothers named Fernando and William. Ironically, it’s Fernando that speaks English (in addition to Swiss, German, Hebrew, Italian and obviously Spanish).

We get geared up trying on pants and boots. I was able to bring all my upper layers (long sleeve polyester shirt, fleece pullover, fleece jacket, shell).

Check!

Trying on pants was interesting. I was basically given sweat pants to begin with. A little stunned, and scared, I asked for something else. The top is about -5˚ F without wind chill. We’re going to be on a peak above 19,000 ft. I’m going to err on the side of there might be a little wind chill. He came back with some nice snow pants that fit perfectly with my fleece under-layer.

Pants? Check!

The first boots I tried on fit perfectly. Too bad they fit Anna too. The second was too small. So was the third. The fourth finally fit well… enough.

Boots. Ch..ch...check.

(My feet blister and freeze routinely. They are wimpy. These boots have input the potential of an excruciating hike.)

I got my ice axe (this rules), cramp-ons (these look intense), backpack, hat, sleeping bag, gators, gloves, and… “inside gloves.”

I was ready.

Kind of.

I didn’t have socks (For those who don’t know, cotton freezes and can kill you. Not a good call if you’re gonna be outside in the cold for an extended period of time.) But we would pick those up along the way. I had two small water bottles but they would sell more up there.

After a short walk around town to kill time we returned to load up and head out for Cotopaxi.

It was about a 45 minutes to the park and another hour from the park entrance up the winding bumpy road.

We had stopped for lunch as we were leaving town.

At the park entrance, I mentioned to Fernando that I still didn’t have socks. Seemingly having forgotten, he looked around and then pointed to the vendor in the shack on the side of the road. Glad I said something, I bought some awesome red alpaca socks that had a llama and a lady circling my ankle.

I wasn’t sure how well they would work but it couldn’t be worse than the (cotton) socks I was wearing – I was already getting a blister.

Winding up this mountain road, packed into the back with Matt and Anna we looked on to what lay ahead the next morning. After an hour’s drive the peak didn’t look that much closer.

We finally arrive at the parking lot. Bless Anna – she has band-aids. I already needed two of them.

The blisters have me a little rattled. One was on my left pinky toe and the other was just a hotspot but on my right heal.

It’s cold up here. We put on our jackets.

I’m nervous about my feet holding up. I forgot my wallet and sunscreen in my bag in Latacunga (Anna helped with the socks). Good lord.

Am I ready for this? I already need Matt and Anna to hold my hand and we haven’t taken one step toward the summit.

I start concentrating on breathing (I mean we are at 14,800 ft.) and start to feel better.

I’ll worry about the blisters if they become a problem but the alpaca socks will help. Matt and Anna kindly offered to lend me money if I need it but we are going to the climbers’ refuge, not Rodeo Dr. They have sunscreen and most everything is covered anyway.

There is a 1,000 ft. climb to the refuge. In theory, a good practice hike.

I’m monitoring my breathing. With every step I am going higher than I have ever been before. I can breath surprisingly well.

We walk slowly, one step at a time. The entire hike is up. The key is pace.

Arriving at the refuge was a small victory but a welcome one after feeling pretty nervous in the car. It took about 30 or 40 minutes and it wasn’t difficult. We all felt pretty good.

But my head is hurting. Headaches are one of the first signs of altitude sickness. I’m not going to let a headache stop me from getting to the top but layers of skin on my foot ripping away while fighting a searing headache doesn’t sound like a good way to climb. The foot feels OK. My head will be fine. Lets just hope it doesn’t get worse.

The clouds had blocked the peak from the parking lot but they lifted when we got to the top and we had a beautiful view of the summit. It didn’t seem very far.

A little math told us that all we had to do was do what we had just done, three and a half more times. Not bad.

Our guide, William, made dinner and tea. We had, surprise surprise, chicken and rice.

After dinner Fernando gave us a demonstration of the cramp-ons. It was too late to practice outside. He told us what to do in case we fell and how to navigate when everyone is tied together. Uh… Let’s all agree not to fall. K?

Bedtime can quickly. 6:00 p.m.

My headache, nerves, and distaste for sleeping bags (I NEED to be able to move my legs) make sleeping nearly impossible. After lying there for about two and a half hours, I finally fell asleep ready (thought still nervous) for what was coming.

Scandal At Penn State Brings Down Paterno

After 61 years of hard work, success and being a pillar of respectability Penn State head football coach Joe Paterno will walk away in shame and disgrace. Recently seen as the squeakiest of the clean schools in a time when heads of giants were rolling, scandal in Happy Valley has shocked the sports world.

On November 4^th former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky, 67, was indicted on 40 counts of sex crimes against young boys. A Pennsylvania investigating grand jury identified eight boys who were sexually assaulted from 1994 until 2009. Sandusky retired in 1999.

Bringing matters back to Penn State, when Sandusky retired in 1999 he retained his use to the athletic facilities. In 2002, then grad assistant (current assistant coach) Mike McQueary walked in on Sandusky sodomizing a 10-year-old boy. McQueary said he was “distraught” after seeing this, went to his office and called his father. His father told him to leave the building.

The next day McQueary reported the incident to Paterno. Paterno in turn told athletic director Tim Curley. Curley and senior vice president for finance and business (also in charge of Penn State University Police) Gary Schultz told Sandusky not to bring children to the facilities anymore. There was no notification to the police.

Curley and Shultz are now being charged with perjury and failure to report suspected child abuse.

People are calling for McQueary and Paterno to resign immediately. The two men reported the abuse to their superiors but when nothing was done, they stood by.

Paterno, now 84, has been at Penn State for 61 years and has been Head Coach for the last 46 years. He has been a model for hard work and competing the “right way” for decades. His philanthropy and service have been well documented. He has consistently graduated high percentages of his players and has stayed clear of all of recruiting corruption and violations that has plagued college football for the last half decade.

King of State College and legend in the sporting ranks, this once bright star is falling fast. Paterno has announced he will retire at the end of the season and for the Board to “not spend another minute discussing [his] status.”

The Board will discuss his status and his future. The future may be now. JoePa may have coached his last game for the Nittany Lions and brought an abrupt, sad, and terrible end to a career filled with much service, hard work, and success (two national championships and the most wins in major college football).

This dark cloud looming, and beginning to resemble a mushroom, over the athletic program and Joe Paterno will shape the college football icon’s legacy. For all he did do, we will remember him for what he didn’t do.

This week in Sports

Baseball

Since the last post the St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series beating the Texas rangers in Game 7. Generally unknown 3^rd baseman David Freese won the World Series MVP. He hit a walk-off home run in the 11^th inning of Game 6. He had 7 RBIs in the series and batted .348.

Free Agency has started for Baseball and there are a few intriguing names. Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals is the biggest fish on the market. He presents an interesting debate though. Pujols has been the best player in the league for the better part of the last decade. ESPN’s Buster Olney recently called him the best 1^st Baseman ever (ahead of Lou Gehrig) and the 3^rd best hitter ever (behind only Babe Ruth and Ted Williams). He is a great fielder and hitter. He hits for power and runs well. He has two world championships and is marketable. He will undoubtedly improve his next team and it would be a very significant loss for the world champs.

At 32, however, he has probably seen his best baseball. His age is in question, as many of the players co

ming from the Dominican Republic have not been truthful about their birthdates. Pujols had his worst year last year but was still among the league’s best players. He will look for something in the Alex Rodriguez range. In 2007, the New York Yankees 3^rd Baseman got a 10 year deal for $275 million at 32 years old. Pujols won’t get that much. The richest teams (Yankees, Red Sox, and Phillies) all are committed at 1^st base. The early returns on A-Rod’s deal make it look like the last few years of that contract will be excruciating. His play has dropped off significantly and he still has six years left.

Pujols will likely get something in the 7-year, $200 million range… And my Mom let me quit tee ball. Ugh.

Football

Week 9 is in the books and Week 10 marks the beginning of Thursday night games for the rest of the season.

Last Week:

The New York Giants beat the New England Patriots 24-20 in a rematch of the 2008 Super Bowl. The Giants beat the previously unbeaten Patriots in 2008 17-14. In 2008, Giants’ quarterback Eli Manning orchestrated a late game touchdown drive to shock Tom Brady’s Patriots that were hoping to make history. This time around, with less time and further to go, Manning found the old magic and found his receiver in the endzone with 15 seconds left to play, sealing another victory against the future Hall of Famer.

The Miami Dolphins won a game! The co-leader in the Suck for Luck sweepstakes killed an up and down Kansas City Chiefs team 31-3. How this happened, I do not know.

This leaves the Indianapolis Colts in the lead as the only remaining winless team. The Colts will have an interesting debate if they do get the number 1 pick. They currently employ one of the top quarterbacks ever in Peyton Manning but his neck issues make his future entirely uncertain. Manning would like to play this season while some think he might not ever play again. Manning just signed a $90 million contract this summer.

Is it possible to trade Manning? The favorite to be the number 1 pick, Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck, will make about $25 million over 5 years. Manning is due $69 million in just the next three years. The “next Manning” for cheap or the injured one for an arm and a leg? We will find out if the Colts continue its run of futile football.

The Green Bay Packers improved to 8-0 after winning a shoot out with the San Diego Chargers. Packers’ quarterback Aaron Rodgers is the leading MVP candidate and playing the quarterback position about as well as possible - he’s on pace to set the single season passer rating mark.

My Arizona Cardinals won a pretty pathetic game on Sunday. They won in overtime 19-13. The Cards needed a field goal block to force overtime. In overtime rookie Patrick Peterson returned a punt 99 yards for the winning touchdown. The Cardinals gave up 4 points in the third quarter marking the first time in NFL history that has happened. The Cardinals gave up two safeties (when a player gets tackled in his own endzone) on CONSECUTIVE PLAYS!

Tomorrow we’ll look at the games for next week and the NBA lockout.

A Letter To The Ladies

Dear Ladies,

It was never personal. It was never a designed escape from your comfy, matching, ball and chain. In our long-suffering quest for power slash reluctance to challenge you for any of it, we have turned to something else. In weakness, we were taken by obsession – obsession with Fantasy Football.

It’s fulfilling that we have control over the millionaires that were picked before us in gym class and got all the girls in high school (except the beautiful, smart ones like you). And we now have ways to compete with our friends without having to get all sweaty and smelly! The truth is, we have always been fascinated with control.

Why do men love golf 10 to the umpteenth power times more than we reasonably should? It’s not the escape. Hikes, sporting events, and nights out can get us out of the house. It’s the control factor.

We are infatuated with the idea of being able to control a ball that is three hundred yards away (ya know, on a windy day). Nobody practices putting because moving a ball eight feet is about as impressive as getting to second base on prom night – no one cares. It’s the same reason snipers are the most badass guys in the military. Men want to be able to affect a greatest area possible. It’s a territorial thing.

Fantasy Football gives us the ability to “control” NFL players that are all over the country. It lets us make the same decisions as the rich owners and GMs we fantasize being. It let’s us rationalize our, “See! I should be a GM!” assertions with actual proof!

I understand it can be a frustrating reality – How can you remember the entire NFL schedule but not your son’s soccer schedule? How can you pull out Jacoby Houshama-whoever’s stats when your friends ask, but can’t pull out our anniversary when my friends ask? Why are Peyton Manning’s neck problems more important than mine?

I get it. I really do. These are valid questions. I can’t tell you it’s going to get better. That’d be a lie. We are obsessed. I realize no sane person should care about a game between Jacksonville and Buffalo and “But it’s my kicker!” isn’t an excuse to miss dinner.

I’m not seeking forgiveness for men or a free pass, but just that you know, it’s not you – it’s us. We need this. For those of you who already agreed to put up with a sports fan through sickness and health – this is our sickness. Pity us.

Sincerely,

Under Appreciative Overly Obsessive Male #30890394

This Week In Sports

American League

The Texas Rangers go after their second AL pennant in as many seasons tonight versus the Detroit Tigers. Down three games to one, Detroit sends Justin Verlander to the mound in hopes of playing another day. The Rangers’ timely hitting has been the story in this series with 11^th inning homers in Games 2 and 4.

National League

Those Milwaukee Brewers I was raving about need some help. They are down 2-1 and are sending the devastatingly average Randy Wolf to the mound in St. Louis. Wolf is a “pitch-to-contact” lefty who has been pitching to a little too much contact lately. Albert Pujols has been, well, Albert Pujols (the league’s best player).

The Brewers’ need some magic from Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder. In small samples, Braun has faired well against St. Louis’ Game 4 starter, Kyle Lohse, whereas Fielder has hit well below his career/season averages.

The Brewers boasted the best home field advantage in the league this year and are desperate to get the series back to Milwaukee (Games 6 & 7). They play tonight.

Football

Things to watch weekend:

The San Francisco 49ers travel to Detroit to play the Lions. The Lions are an impressive 5-0 and the 4-1 49ers have surprised everyone. The Lions bandwagon was full before the season began but they have surpassed everyone’s expectations. The Niners’ have had more hype with no results in the last decade than any other team that doesn’t rhyme with the Touston Hexans. Now that only crickets reside on their bandwagon, the team is leading its division by 3 games and has the league’s best run defense.

Oft-injured Lions’ quarterback (former no. 1 pick), Matthew Stafford, has stayed healthy (I knocked!) and put together a fantastic season throwing to wide receiver Calvin Johnson who looks like the best pass-catcher in the league.

Oft-crappy Niners’ quarterback Alex Smith (also a former no. 1) has looked like an NFL QB this year for first time after 6 years of impotence (on the field).

The Packers welcome the pad-statable St. Louis Rams to Green Bay this weekend for what may be Vegas’ highest line of the year.

The most fun game to watch this week should be Sunday afternoon’s game the New England Patriots at the Dallas Cowboys. The Romocoaster is always fun but it will be hard for Tony Romo & Co. to acquire any lead big enough to squander in historic fashion against the Patriots. Tom Brady is well on pace to break Dan Marino’s Single Season Passing Record of 5,084 yards (Granted so are Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees and rookie Cam Newton, but Brady leads the league), and the Pats lead the league in scoring.

Monday’s game between the New York Jets and Miami Dolphins is forgettable. The Dolphins are in the Suck For Luck Sweepstakes. This year’s NFL Draft (the No. 1 Pick goes to the worst record) prize is Andrew Luck who has been compared to Peyton Manning and John Elway. The Stanford product is scary good and his parents are currently looking at property in Miami, Indianapolis, Minnesota and Denver.

My Arizona Cardinals will do its best not to lose their bye week.

Two That Won't Be Forgotten

In the last week saw the passing of two titans in their respective fields. Two men that have influenced their worlds like few others have. As I’m sure you know, innovator and Apple Co-Founder, Steve Jobs, passed away Thursday at 56. He was an amazing individual who transformed the world we live in. The computer I’m typing on sports an Apple on the cover and the phone in my pocket isn’t an iPhone (used to be) but is similar. The new “smart” world has a lot to thank Mr. Jobs for.

I had actually forgotten he was sick. I hadn’t seen a picture of him in a while and I could not believe the man who was in his final days was the same one who displayed the iPhone and its successors in his famous presentations. I couldn’t believe that was the man who gave this commencement speech in 2005. The world is less creative and innovative without Steve Jobs. We will all miss him whether we know it or not.

Unless you read ESPN.com or reside in the Bay area, you may have missed another man’s passing on Saturday. Al Davis, 82, was the longtime owner of the Oakland Raiders. Since 1962, he has guided the franchise, as a coach, GM, and owner, to 3 Super Bowls and decades of competitive football. He fostered an atmosphere that became the Black Hole.

He was the last remaining owner from the American Football League (merged with the NFL in 1970), and was a key figure in making the NFL what it is today.

He coined the phrase, “Just Win Baby!”

Davis wasn’t the most liked owner. He was probably too hands on and was difficult to work for. He had famous feuds with plays including with former Heisman Trophy winner, running back Marcus Allen. Allen even accused Davis of trying to ruin his career.

He looked strange in his old age. He had looked sick for a long time and dead for the last decade.

Davis was much more interesting than he was likable but his impact on the football should not go understated. His emphasis on speed and athleticism transformed the game.

For all of us that love football on Sundays, the camaraderie, the good times with friends (the money if you work in the service industry) – we owe a prayer, a drink, or maybe just a thanks to the guy that helped us get to where we are.

This Week In Sports

National League

My Arizona Diamond backs lost in a crushing defeat to the Milwaukee Brewers. It was the final deciding game of the series and its best player, 23 year-old Right Fielder Justin Upton, had multiple chances to be the hero and came up short.

The Brewers advance to face the St. Louis Cardinals. The Cardinals beat the heavily favored Phillies to advance to the National League Championship Series.

Sunday, the Brewers won Game 1, 9-6. Monday the Cardinals struck back to knot the series after Albert Pujols went 4 for 5 with three doubles and a home run. The Caridnals won 12-3. They play Game 3 tonight in St. Louis.

American League

The Detroit Tigers beat the New York Yankees last week to set up a series between it and the Texas Rangers. MVP candidate, pitcher Justin Verlander, finally came through after a less than stellar outing his first go around.

The Rangers are up 2 games to one. Nelson Cruz hit a spectacular 11^th inning grand slam to win Game 2 7-3. Cruz’s grand slam was the first game ending grand slam in post-season history. The Tigers cut the Rangers’ lead in half with a win yesterday and play again this afternoon.

With all the corruption that exists in the world how did Milwaukee, St. Louis, Detroit, and Dallas end up as the final four markets left in baseball? Like the economy isn’t bad enough, they couldn’t have ONE of the Philly, New York, or Boston (the three biggest markets and three best teams in the league on September 1^st) markets.

What does this mean?

With the big names out to root for/against, who should you root for?

This one is easy… the Milwaukee Brewers!

Their playoff slogan is “Fear the Beer!”

They have two bonafide stars. One, Ryan Braun, is your big city-swaggy-face guy, who is a rock star in Milwaukee (impressive considering Wisconsin is a football state) and he embraces it . The other is Prince Fielder who, besides having and awesome name, looks like an ewok.

They have never won a World Series and haven’t been there since 1982. This was its first year ever winning its division.

In addition, there is some bad blood and while Nyjer Morgan (A.K.A. Tony Plush) is kind of a douche and drops more F-Bombs than Johnny McEnroe ever did, the potential of him (5’11’’ 175 lbs) getting in a fight with, the best hitter alive, Albert Pujols (6’3’’, 220 lbs) is tough to pass up.

Football

After five weeks, the teams are starting to cement what they are.

The Green Bay Packers are the best team in the league and the only remaining undefeated team. Aaron Rodgers is making a good case for himself as the best quarterback in the league.

The Lions stayed unbeaten and are 5-0 for the first time since 1952.

The “dream team” Eagles are 1-4 and do not look good. Michael Vick gets a lot of credit for his highlights and fantasy stats but he is 1-6 in his last 7 games and his recently signed $100 million contract is starting to be worrisome five games into it.

The Romosexuals out there got to keep their hair this week. The Dallas Cowboys had a bye.

Rookie phenom and this year’s No. 1 pick, quarterback Cam Newton, looks great and is already one of the more exciting players in the league. His team, the Carolina Panthers, is only 1-4 but has been competitive in every game.

My team, the Arizona Cardinals, was down 28-0 after the first quarter. That’s only happened three times since 1970. Nice work guys. Its newly signed $62 million quarterback was benched for Richard Bartel, who has been cut by four teams.

We’ll take a look at the coming week tomorrow.

Story Time

After having dinner at our friends’ house we came back home to get the kids into bed and put a cap on what was a beautiful weekend. Matt did most of the heavy lifting as Di and I spoke about my plans for when my Mom gets here.

She and I will have two small chunks of time allowing for little more than a possible day trip but more likely, just hang out time in Cuenca. No problem though. The first three days she will be here will be Cuenca’s Independence Festival. It supposed to be a big party.

When she returns after her press trip. Which by the way is NOT fair. She will be here for 2 weeks and will be going to the Galapagos and I will have lived here for six months and will have not gone. I guess it’s a symbol of true immersion given that most people that live here cannot afford to go.

My conversation with Di was interrupted by Matt’s relaying Duncan’s wish for goodnight kisses. Hard to say no to that cute little kid. But I have been getting better! Uncle Teddy Bear has become Uncle Grizzly Bear. Or maybe Uncle Hard Ass. The hugs and kisses are a little fewer and farther between but they squeeze just as hard and still light up when I pick them up.

Tonight the kids got extra hugs and kisses. Duncan was down first but Piper had her little backpack on and was looking for Barbie Princess’s friend – Barbie Sideline Reporter or Barbie President, I don’t remember. There are too many to keep track of.

About twenty minutes after the kids were asleep I was deeply entrenched in a game of Words With Friends on Facebook. This game is insanely addicting. It’s basically online scrabble. You play friends one on one. As many games as you want. I’d like to say my vocabulary and creativity are inflicting heartbreak to my friends 3000 miles away but I’ve hit a little bit of a cold stretch. After a ten game win streak I am currently losing seven six (thank god for “RUMMY” on a triple word/letter) of my nine games.

In the middle of being stuck with U-less Q’s and six letter words with nowhere to put them, I hear a knock on the door. It was faint and was at first mistaken for the wind or the sounds of the apartment breathing and creaking as only heard at night. Again there was a faint knock and an even softer voice whispering my name. I got up and opened the door.

Duncan was standing in his red pajamas that are scattered with robots and rockets that protect him from the bedbugs. His face was as red as his pajamas and tears were running down his face. He seemed scared from a nightmare or the strong wind outside making curious sounds.

“Duncan, what’s wrong buddy?” I said, picking him up.

“I can’t go to sleep without a bedtime story,” he muttered wiping the tears away with one hand and hugging me tight with the other.

I brought him back to my bed and held the little guy until the tears dried up.

“Would you like me to tell you a story, bud?”

He nodded, looking into my eyes seeking the comfort he needed before he could fall asleep.

I really don’t like telling stories. I’m not good at it. I ramble (cut to all my friends/readers of this blog nodding…) I’m not very creative on the spot. I get nervous in front of the damn 5 year-old.

But Duncan needed a story more than I needed not to tell a story so I asked him what he wanted it to be about.

“Peter Pan,” he said.

If you have a story telling deficiency like I do, you can usually just ask them questions about what they want it to be about and they will mostly spell it out. But they figure you out after a while. You can only delay for so long.

As Duncan settled in, Peter Pan arrived in London to meet Wendy. It had been a while and Wendy missed Peter dearly. Wendy wanted Peter to see London and her life in the real world. Reluctantly, Peter put on Michael’s clothes and they went out. Peter was less than happy in London and desperately wanted to use that nifty pixie dust that makes him fly.

After walking around town they walked into a Halloween shop. Peter loved the idea of dressing up and saw a pirate costume. Peter thought dressing up like a pirate would be a great way to sneak onto Hook’s ship and fool him so he could steal his treasure.

After buying the costume, he and Wendy flew to Neverland and Pan dressed up and hopped on Hook’s ship, wanting to be part of the crew. As one crewmember had just walked the plank, there was an open spot. After surprising Hook in his quarters and tying him up, Pan snuck down to the treasure room and grabbed the biggest chest he could find.

He brought it up to the deck and ripped off his costume and said, “HA! I fooled you guys again and now I have your treasure!”

Duncan’s eyes looked like it was Christmas morning. I sadly had nothing else. Wendy and Peter Pan flew away with the treasure.

Duncan said he was ready for bed now and asked me to come snuggle with him. He loves his head scratches (who doesn’t?) and they always put him right to sleep.

He said, “I’m gonna close my eyes, because sometimes they sting.”

He grabbed my arm and scooted closer. Within a minute he was asleep.

I waited another minute or so and snuck out of his room feeling accomplished and gratified. It’s nice to know he knows he can come to me when he has a problem or wants a story. It’s nice to know I can give him what he needs to make him feel better. It nice to know he feels more comfortable sleeping if I am there.

Di always says how being around these kids is the best birth control I could ever have. She’s absolutely right.

The kids are chaos. God help the man who invented the play-size drum set, if I ever find him. Eating is never just eating, but a constant struggle to con them into swallowing something that’s not Mac’N Cheese. The alone time is counted in seconds and usually from the bathroom or the shower. But then again, they like to barge in there too.

But more often than not, this peaking into the future (the DISTANT future) is exciting. They are good kids and constantly put smiles on my face. Hearing the “I love you’s,” at bedtime is heart warming and being their jungle gym is fun every single time. I can’t stand when they push the buttons on my computer, but I can strangely flick really hard and so they don’t do that so much anymore.

It’s fun watching them learn and grow right in front of me. It’s fun having them become a part of my life – a part that won’t end in December. It’s fun knowing less Spanish than a blond 7-year-old. It’s fun having in depth talks about fairies. On Friday, we had a house warming party and I introduced them to another little boy. Duncan went up and hugged him. Piper smiled at him and said hello. About 11 seconds later they sprinted upstairs as if the last one to the top didn’t get any treats.

I’ve enjoyed having kids be a part of my life. And I will again. This glimpse has been exciting and scary at the same time. Someday Future Teddy Jr. will be here and I will get to do all these things again. It’s inevitable that someday Future Teddy Jr. is going to want a story too. I only hope that when he comes into my room tearful and story-hunting he pokes Future Mrs. Teddy.

So You Want To Be A Sports Fan?

Now that Fall is here, you may be finding yourself lonely at church or in the cereal aisle on Sundays. Starting in September every year, hoards of husbands, boyfriends, brothers and friends pilgrimage to bars and friends’ houses to watch football each week.

While golf is still living in the 1950’s, football is embracing women like never before with things like the Lingerie Bowl and the Cowboys Cheerleaders’ Calendar… OK, just kidding. Football is still a guy thing but more than a “guy thing,” it’s a fun thing!

Women deserve the right to hoot and holler at the TV, and cheers their friends just like the guys do!

I am here to help open the door.

Football is great sport to follow. It’s only one day a week. It’s better on TV than in person and it’s a fun way to be social – dress down, forget the makeup, and grab a beer.

When the time comes for my future wife to bring me to a cooking class, I am going to need some basics beforehand.

Some of you women are already properly armed. Kudos.

The basics.

Blend In

Pick a team. Buy a jersey. You want to pick a team that is generally supported by the community you live in. Sports are generally team endeavors and so is cheering. Being that obnoxious opposing fan in the bar is a lot of weight to carry and not worth the stress. It’s fun to high five and cheer with your friends or strangers.

Buy a jersey to show you care (Not the pink one!). Be invested. Buy the most popular player’s jersey. If you buy an obscure player’s jersey, you will have to find out who he is, what position he plays, how he is playing this year, and how he played last year. Don’t make it harder than it has to be.

Cheer When Everyone Else Cheers

If you are the only person cheering in a bar or at a friend’s house then it’s obvious you are not quite sure what is going on. I remember awkwardly beginning to sing in church when everyone else was quiet. Who interrupts a priest?

Start off by just cheering when your team scores. Makes it easy.

Be Positive!

Everyone likes when you say good things about their team. No one is really looking for deep insight from anyone at a bar because everyone thinks they know more than everyone else. What you don’t want to do is put yourself in a hole you can’t get out of.

If you say, “Tom Brady sucks!” someone might turn to you and site his three Super Bowl rings, two MVPs, single season TD record, and the fact that he had more wins through his first 100 games than any other quarterback ever as reasons he doesn’t actually suck. Say nice things and people will want to talk to you. We all want to feel good about our teams and ourselves.

Ask Questions!

Guys love being able to rationalize the hours a week they spend on the Internet looking at stats and reading articles on their favorite teams. Throw ‘em a bone. Ask away.

Also, if you are single, it’s a good conversation starter that gets him feeling good about himself, while keeping you engaged in the game.

Have Fun!

Whether you’re cheering, betting, socializing, enjoying a beer or the BBQ, football is fun. It’s a great way to meet people and it’s the perfect excuse for a little weekend extension.

So leave the heels and handbags at home, ladies – it’s Football Season.

This Week In Sports

We are in the midst of the MLB playoffs at the moment.

American League

The Detroit Tigers are giving the favored New York Yankees all they can handle despite neutralizing MVP candidate pitcher Justin Verlander. Their series is tied at 2 games a piece. The deciding game of the 5-game series will be Thursday night with Yankee rookie Ivan Nova facing Detroit mid-season acquisition Doug Fister. The Yankees roughed up Fister in game 1.

The Texas Rangers beat The Tampa Bay Rays in four games after losing game one. The drama of Eva Evan Longoria’s late season heroics sizzled in unmemorable fashion with the exception of Rangers’ 3^rd Baseman, Adrian Beltre’s three HR game.

National League

The Arizona Diamondbacks fight to play another day after Rookie 1^st Baseman Paul Goldschmidt hit a grand slam, powering the Diamondbacks to a 8-1 victory over the Milwaukee Brewers. The Brewers lead the series 2-1 and play in Arizona tonight.

Philadelphia Phillies’ bench player Ben Francisco hit a pinch-hit home run last night to give the heavily favored Phillies a 2-1 series lead over the St. Louis Cardinals.

Football

Sorry, ladies. After last week’s four-interception mess, Tom Brady cut his hair. Gisele’s Brazilian cabana boy is back to looking like the guy that won three Super Bowls. I’ll miss the Bieber jokes.

The defending Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers put together an offensive performance on Sunday that will keep NFL coaches up all week. Their QB Aaron Rodgers seems to be leading early in the MVP race.

The Dallas Cowboys blew a 17-point lead to the Detroit Lions leading to lots of unwanted attention as the Cowboys head in to their bye week. Tony Romo’s up-and-down play has given birth to the term “Romocoaster.”

Lost in the midst of the collapse was that Detroit is 4-0 for the first time since 1980, eight years before its quarterback, Matthew Stafford, was born.

This has been a weird year thus far as there are really only two teams that stand out as sure things for the playoffs – the New England Patriots and the Packers. And even they both have glaring weaknesses (pass defense).

The Philadelphia Eagles, which had “Dream Team” labels coming into the season, is 1-3. The Pittsburg Steelers were the AFC champions last year but are a mess on the offensive line and their defense looks old.

My team, the Arizona Cardinals, sucks.

I’ll be updating the blog weekly talking about sports, fan-ology, and including some pop culture stuff here and there trying to make it as easy and as fun as possible to be in the loop.

Thanks!

Trivia Night!!!

Twenty - two years of Fall Sundays on the couch, staying up too late watching movies, and going through the “Useless Facts” app while on the toilet have let me to this moment – Trivia Night.

I have a new favorite bar in Cuenca. Well, I have another favorite bar in Cuenca. The Inca Lounge is a bar overlooking the river that borders downtown and sports the best burger I have had outside of Ted’s Montana Grill. The thing is massive. Some people have naturally smaller mouths than other people. This burger is off limits to them. Fortunately they do offer a smaller portion for the small-mouthed-burger-eaters. But it’s not the same experience.

The Inca Lounge arrived on my radar because the American owner wanted to have a place where he could watch football. Now every week, on the Sabbath, the gringos of Cuenca gather to get drunk and yell at TVs for the sake of their fantasy teams (Damn you Tom Brady!!!) and their doomed existence in their suicide pools.

However, in addition to football, beer, and burgers (They call that the Trifecta) the Inca Lounge also has Trivia Night.

Matt had gone before but this was my first time. Forming a trivia team is really all about variety. Obviously in a fantasy draft you don’t draft Tom Brady AND Drew Brees – they play the same position and fulfill the same function on a team. So Tuesday night we brought in the new Trifecta of Matt (Managed an NPO in the Vail Valley, Head of Town Counsel), Richard (Owned a Business Consulting Company, Wrote an Autobiography, Canadian) and me (Bartender, Reigning Fantasy Football Champion, 22). Our team featured smart people from different generations and a kid with enough time on his hands to actually play 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon with IMDb.com (the “Ocean’s” movies made this game kind of a cakewalk and then Valentine’s Day crushed any hope for respectability for the next 15 years).

The game was six rounds and ten questions per round with each round having a category and each answer was worth a point, except the last which was worth two. Pretty basic.

Coming on September 13th, the first round was questions about events that happened on the date September 11th in any year.

Started off showing my value to the team – PETE ROSE broke the MLB all-time hits record on September 11th 1985. Sports fans out there get this one easily but this is Trivia Night in Cuenca, Ecuador. There are lots of, shall we say, “vegetarians.”

We got the question about the Camp David Accords and another about the 1979 Chilean coup d'état but otherwise got our butts kicked. We would have gotten one about breaking ground on the Lincoln Memorial in 1941 if it weren’t for some poor wording. Definitely not on us.

Good news was everyone else got their butts kicked that round too.

The next round was about Tennis. Done.

We got 8 points. Murdered everyone. Wouldn’t have thought the French could have come up with such a fun sport but I guess that’s why love means nothing. You think that was a dumb joke? Just wait.

Also I knew Steffi Graff and Andre Agassi are married and have a lot of combined singles titles but 31?!?!. I originally guessed 19 and then wimped out and ended up being off by about half with our final answer being 16. The group next to us got 3 and we were in the lead after this round so I forgave Mr. and Mrs. Agassi.

Terrorism. I’m kind of a peaceful guy. This wasn’t my category. Luckily Richard and Matt have a clue. The Brits lost the most people in the twin towers (I would have gotten that one). Carlos “The Jackel” was a bad man. The I.R.A. is considered a terrorist group by the English but not the U.S. or the E.U. – interesting.

NEXT!

We are still in the lead. We have 3 points on second place.

The next round was on Motown. Not my area but it ended up not being too hard. Somehow I was the only one in my group that knew that The Temptations sang “My Girl”. I feel like this may have been because it was featured in some of the TV shows I watched growing up. I don’t know. We got one point for both the song and the artist. Half for each. We ended up with 6.5 pts. It wasn’t too hard. There were some we should have had but little Michael, Stevie Wonder,

Marvin Gay and the Supremes made the entire round somewhat of a push.

But we gained a half of a point. We’re up 3.5.

Child Actors. Could have gone either way. Which actor was in Rebel Without a Cause and Miracle On 34th Street? The correct answer would be Natalie Wood. My eighth grade teacher was obsessed with James Dean. In Rebel Without a Cause, he starred with Natalie Wood and Sal Mineo. I will forever remember this. And it’s not a bad movie. Ron Howard and Jennifer Connolly were child actors that both won Oscars for the 2001 movie A Beautiful Mind. We got a couple others involving Jason Bateman, Shirley Temple, Elizabeth Taylor and Taxi Driver but when my team needed me most I failed.

The team didn’t even need me. Matt got the answer right. Name one of the three movies that Leonardo DiCaprio received an Oscar nod for? Matt initially said What’s Eating Gilbert Grape but I was positive that he received nominations for The Aviator and for both Blood Diamond

and The Departed in 2006.

I wasn’t WRONG. He did get Oscar nods for The Aviator and Blood Diamond. He also did get Golden Globe Award nominations for both films in 2006 but it just so happened that I convinced Matt and Richard that I am always right about Leo and of the three movies I thought were right – I picked the only one that wasn’t.

I KNEW he was nominated for the The Aviator and for Blood Diamond but the time crunch made me nervous and somehow I went with the one I was least sure about and we got it wrong. DAMN IT LEO! The Departed was a great movie! And Mark Wahlberg got a supporting actor nod and he is FROM Boston. Ughh…

Last round! Double points! Random questions!

How many of the top five highest grossing movies of 2011 are sequals? Pirates, Transformers, Harry Potter, Cars and Kung Fu Panda! Next!

World’s first Billionaire? Unfortunately not J.P. Morgan. It was Rockefeller. Should have gotten this one but not a bad answer. Bummer.

It takes THREE of today’s cigarettes to equal that of a 1950s cigarette. We guessed one. But seriously, depends on the cigarette right? I want a recount.

Ron Paul is the only Republican candidate that was a OBGYN. Thank you Richard. A jenny is a baby DONKEY. Damn it Matt.

LCD means Liquid Crystal Display. Tom Brady was the man in 2007. Darwin was alive in 1825 (I really had forgotten that one) and Babylonia was the ancient city located near what is now Bagdad. Should have gotten that last one. Decided on something that was close (I think). 12 points.

Not the 20 we were shooting for BUT… it was enough for the WIN!

First night out at trivia night and we came home winners. We won the grand prize of...

27 DOLLARS!

This paid for the tab and we got our 2 dollar entry fees back. This was my biggest mistake of the night. The winnings took care of the tab and I was drinking crappy $2 beer while the other gentlemen were drinking some nice rum, or “ron” as it is called here. I had two (20 ouncers) beers. So, of the $21 dollars worth of alcohol we won, I only drank $4 of it.

This was a wasted opportunity to have the house buy me some better booze, but such is life. There will be another Trivia Night and another tab up for grabs. And when the time comes, I dare them to ask another Leo question.